savin' it up for friday night
Seriously, I can't believe it's already Friday (and the exclamation with it nearly over, no less). Why? Only for the very plain reason that this is the one week I get to do absolutely like... well, nothing, and live out those days doing whatsoever should come to my mind. It's a week turnaround between winter and spring for the school, yet it doesn't seem enough apparently.

Take that complaint over 7+ days of that going by 'too fast' with a very large grain of salt however, because it deserves one. I am... though, honestly, -tired- of school.

I never thought that -that- monster would ever find me bow to it (that being boredom/wanting out/justgetmedonealready), even to a small degree. I don't really have any complaints over institutions and myself, knowing some of the futility in any of the things that can be said about them, but I am definitely aware of how seriously and on a superficial level I'm tired of being there. Of doing it all, as much as I actually do enjoy it, and as evasive I am of that self-caused beast of the doldrums. If you know me, I am no enemy to being offered stuff to learn and read about.. even though I've sadly gone through like various stupid periods in the past where I was real judgemental about some select things that had worth, and not seeing why they were significant because of - not idiocy, but merely not grasping the broader point and knowing enough to read into the points presented. I was high-horsed and assuming and unawarely arrogant about it... and all born out of an ignorance. That is, basically, so stupid.

And you know, we stupid people never see the point of what is written or why a thing exists if we don't understand it. =p

I just don't -love- this though--who does? It's school, it's people telling you stuff that they learned about to then be able to tell you about it and be paid for it.. and if it's stuff you wouldn't know else if you go listen, if you can only pick it up there... then it is worthwhile. but seriously... I am done listening. I mean, I want to do--that is the root of this. I'm tired of being an ear, even if some of the people along the way truly are pleasant and even downright good professors. And it isn't all one-sided... but the whole process, the journey, the ugh on ugh, I have no enchantment with. All the good things aside, it just is a means to some other new thing. That is all.

I'm just fine though, I simply know how nice it is to not be responsible for a little while before you go and take up the mantle again. This is essentially getting a taste of something you like, and wanting to hold on for a little longer. Everybody likes their freedom, apparently, and to an extent I am no different on that part of the whole parade.

There are a lot of things on my mind.. but maybe all I wanna do is just be for a while - right now, I mean.

I like to tell myself how little it is that I actually need, but then a moment comes along and makes me realize what it is that I want out of life, and I don't mean material things like that sexy car that someone wants gimme-gimme'd, or other ridiculous stuff.

It is wise to want, but I'm not totally sold that some of my desires aren't fundamentally more ridiculous than some others'. I just want however.. a thing I don't even know? I think right now what I want is a challenge. And a few other contradictory things as well.